Eighteen Years

Across the way from my sun room chair sits a castle on a hill. This morning as the sun peaks between tree limbs I can see the parking lot of the castle, and only a small corner of the castle wall. Sunday that parking lot was filled between every white line. The reason it was filled on a Sunday is because that castle is a Presbyterian church. A beautiful building on a hill in the middle of my small Appalachian town it becomes occupied every Sunday fulfilling its purpose.

I used to be one of those that fulfilled the purpose of such a building every Sunday from the time I was born until the day I left the church at 18 years of age. Between those formative years I was a devote religious practitioner of the Southern Baptist persuasion of evangelical Christianity. It was 18 years worth of my life devoted to something I thought was "the way, the truth, and the life".

Today on the spirituality spectrum I would fall near the agnostic/atheist end. I started migrating towards that end of the spectrum after I left the church in 2002. I now couldn't imagine ever going back to the religious end of the spectrum, because, well, science. My beliefs have transformed, evolved, what have you, tremendously since those days of religious zealousness.

It's now 2020.
Therefore, it has been now equal the amount of time I was a religious zealot compared to the time I've been religiousless.
1984-2002 = 18 years of religious zealousness
2002-2020 = 18 years of religiouslessness
It doesn't seem like a big deal, but for some reason it is. There's something freeing about the fact that I've lived an equal amount of time as a religious person as I have a non-religious person. I have this feeling that 18 years was wasted worshiping nothing but an imaginary friend. Now though I've spent 18 years waking up to my own truth and reality. This truth and reality is mine based upon my reeducating myself. It's based upon me healing myself from psychological abuse, as well as from sexual assault and harassment at the hands of a religion. It's based upon 18 years worth of work to free myself from the chains of oppression the Church put on me.

I'm even.

My truth has been guiding my existence, not the brainwashing which I under went at the direction of a religion. The patriarchal tool, that can be quite a few religions, has not been ruling over my body and mind. I'm proud to say I found my truth, my reality, my morals, and ditched the Patriarch's. From now on my years will always be more enlightenment than being kept in the dark. From now on it's more of me who has been controlling my existence as opposed to a religion. That in of itself is empowering.

I can see how this seems I'm bashing on religion, but I am bashing but upon my experience with religion. There are those that find religion to be their freeing of chains, and I respect that, as long as they respect my path. As the witches say, "Harm none, do what thou will."

h