Sippin On Straight Chlorine <{•.•}>

So where are you? It's been a little while

Sippin' on straight chlorine, let the vibes slide over me

This beat is a chemical, beat is a chemical

When I leave don't save my seat, I'll be back when it's all complete

The moment is medical, moment is medical

Sippin' on straight chlorine

Lovin' what I'm tastin'

Venom on my tongue

Dependent at times

Poisonous vibration

Help my body run

I'm runnin' for my life

Runnin' for my life

Sippin' on straight chlorine

Fall out of formation

I plan my escape from walls they confined

Rebel red carnation

Grows while I decay

Hide you in my coat pocket, where I kept my rebel red

I felt I was invincible, you wrapped around my head

Now different lives I lead, my body lives on lead

The last two lines may read incorrect until said

The lead is terrible in flavor

But now you double as a paper maker

I despise you sometimes

I love to hate the fight and you in my life is like

I'm so sorry, I forgot you

Let me catch you up to speed

I've been tested like the ends of

A weathered flag that's by the sea

Can you build my house with pieces?

I'm just a chemical

<{•.•}>

||-//

Let's get something understood...

Music is my life's blood.

Without music I would exist not.

Music has saved my existence from myself an innumerable amount of times.

For the past few years I've been pretty obsessed with the band Twenty One Pilots. They're a couple of my heroes, and their music has on many occasions saved my skin. Everything about XXI Pilots I adore - the musicality, the lyrics, what they stand for, their love for their fans, their authenticity. For all the atoms that are XXI Pilots I have deep respect. I love the men that are XXI Pilots, and I've never even met them. 

The above song isn't my favorite of their's. I don't have a favorite per se. Chlorine though is one of my most loved. It is from their latest album, Trench. The meaning of the songs Tyler writes are usually very cryptic and deep - and most of the time laced throughout an on going plot. Chlorine is no different. I believe chlorine to Tyler is his music. Chlorine to me though is something totally different. 

Chlorine to me is my psych meds.

At the time when the song came out all three of my psych meds chemical make up contained Chlorine. I now am on Brexpiprazole which does not contain chlorine, but alas the song still means to me what it always has. I'm going to break down the lyrics here as to what this song sings to me, and what I mean when I'm on stage singing it with Tyler in my dreams.

Sippin' on straight chlorine, let the vibes slide over me

I sip on straight chlorine when I throw those meds in my mouth. 

Then as the meds start to do their thing their vibes slide over me.

This beat is a chemical, beat is a chemical

These meds are what keep my heart beating - therefore this beating heart is too a chemical reaction.

When I leave don't save my seat, I'll be back when it's all complete

When my meds stop working, I leave. Who I am gets lost in the mania or the depression. Therefore, don't save my seat, because sorting out my meds can take time. When I've found a new cocktail that works, when it's complete, I'll come back. 

The moment is medical, moment is medical

All the moments with my meds are obviously medical. 

Lovin' what I'm tastin' / Venom on my tongue / Dependent at times

I love my meds, they balance me. But I also feel that they're poison as I put them on my tongue. I am dependent on these meds for clear reasons. 

Poisonous vibration / Help my body run / I'm runnin' for my life

Everything vibrates at some type of frequency. The vibrations the meds bring is a necessary poision. They help my body run. And I run for my life. 

Fall out of formation

I fall out of the formation of those around me that believe psych meds are of negative effect. 

I plan my escape from walls they confined

I plan my escape from the walls they've built inside me towards these meds. 

Rebel red carnation / Grows while I decay

If I don't take my meds then the carnations of Dema grow while I decay. Meaning if I don't take my meds my mental illness takes charge and I decay.

Hide you in my coat pocket, where I kept my rebel red

I literally hide my meds in my pocket. I also hide the shame I feel for taking my meds in a world that holds them in a negative connotation - hence my own rebel red.

I felt I was invincible, you wrapped around my head

When manic I can feel invincible in the literal sense. Then my meds wrap around my head, and remind me otherwise.

Now different lives I lead, my body lives on lead/The last two lines may read incorrect until said

Being bipolar - a lot of the times it feels as if you're leading different lives frequently. My body lives on these meds.

The lead is terrible in flavor

I have a love/hate relationship with my meds, and they taste terrible even though I know I need them.

But now you double as a paper maker / I despise you sometimes / I love to hate the fight and you in my life is like

If I don't take my meds I won't stay sane and won't make it to work, and work is my paper maker. Again, I have a love/hate relationship with my meds. I despise them at times, but I know their place in my life, and love them for saving me from me. 

The ending for me is saying at this very young age I'm still tattered by the winds of this existence. Can the meds put in the missing chemicals in my brain, and build me a functioning house aka body.

So there ya have it - what the XXI Pilots song Chlorine means to me. 

h