Come Sit With Me Awhile

There's one for my daughter.

There's one for my future wife.

There's one for me - and me alone.

Then there's this one - this one is for you - yeah, you reading. 

I have multiple journals. 

They all serve different purposes.

They all mostly go by the same writing style.

Three are written by hand, and one is written by the clicking of keys. 

Tonight, as I sat on the porch awaiting the rain I started to write in my personal journal - we'll call her Dill (she's covered in duct tapped with pickles all over her that says in speak bubbles "Dill with it."). I started to write, but I soon discovered tonight wasn't a night to write with Dill. Tonight was a night for reflection. Tonight, I recalled what a wise woman once told me "Sometimes Haley, we must sit with the question." (A past entry that deals with that... Sit With The Question.) 

Therefore, I am sitting tonight. 

I am sitting with what feels like an infinitesimal amount of questions. 

And it's okay. It's okay to be in such an uprooted state of being - especially on a night when the rain falls as it does. Growth comes when we are uprooted. Growth and evolution blossom when we need to improve to exist on higher levels, and "better" planes of existence. And we should to be open to growth and evolution - you see, to not allow growth, to deny personal evolution, is unhealthy and harmful to more than just yourself. 

I'll admit I'm a bit scared.

Sitting uprooted with theses questions is how I grow and evolve as a human. Growing and evolving can involve change. Usually involves change actually - and change is fucking scary ya'll. Notably, change that you have no idea yet what it could be. Thus, yeah, I'm somewhat freak out to a degree that I'm actively trying to pretend it's not there. 

I'm sitting with the questions. 

I feel the breeze of change drifting ever so slightly past the tiniest of hairs upon my skin.

I'm reflecting on past changes. I'm holding my Lovers hand a little more often for extra support. I look at my daughter a moment longer for that extra ounce of courage. I even booked a spot on my counselor's couch next week for help in sorting through these questions. I'm open to growth. I'm open to change. I'm open to whatever future blooms. I'm scared of course, but that doesn't prevent me from being open, and growing, and evolving, and changing whatever may need be changed or kept the same. I'm sitting and listening and waiting... 

Haley(M)