I know whose name the insurance in, and I'll put if it is a spouse or me or a parent or a guardian or whomever the policy holder is.
How does my marital status matter then?
And how is divorced a marital status?
Or widowed?
There are two marital statuses - married / single.
Those are the only two marital statues that even make sense on a form, and even those two don't really matter on most forms; yet they still bloody ask it.
The term divorced has a deeply negative stigma draped about it, and therefore it drapes that negative stigma about the human it follows around though this is not deserved.
My divorce was painful, courageous, and necessary.
My divorce hurt a lot of people - it was different kinds of pain we all had to survive.
It has been almost two years, and still it hurts to this day - it will always hurt in this lifetime I imagine.
My divorce took courage I never thought I had.
I had finally accepted who I was as a human, as a woman, as a queer, and decided to turn my entire life upside down so I could be true to myself - to expand my consciousness - to be me.
My divorce was something that had to happen.
I was no longer who I was when I met him, and who I was could no longer be with him.
My divorce had no negative bearing on who I am, and yet others still paint me (who I am) with the same shameful brush. I shouldn't feel shame to say I once experienced a divorce, or to even label myself a divorcee, but in this society I do. I don't want to be associated with the term divorce for this reason, even though I should be wearing my divorce like a medal of courage.
I carry a lot of guilt because of my divorce. I most likely always will, because it's a part of the hurt I will always carry. I don't fight these feelings, but I feel them for they are a part of me now. The majority of the guilt comes from my time I do not get with my daughter. I share "joint custody" of my daughter with her daddy. He's a wonderfully daddy whom I want Luna to always have in her life. She loves him very much, and hes love her very much - and not all kids get that in their life. Though the days I am not with her are excruciating. Yes, I know that sounds like me exaggerating, but I'm not. Even though we are apart she is always with me. She is the soundtrack that my day flows by on. And when I am not with her I carry the guilt of a thousand politicians it feels some days. I know I come off as strong, relaxed and having it together, but there are times when I'm melting inside.
I carry a lot of shame and guilt with my divorcee label, but I shouldn't. Almost half of the US is divorced, and yet still it has some negative connotation draped over it as if those who have experienced divorce are of lesser value than those that have not. I haven't figured out yet how to get enough light in my life to filter out the shame and guilt. I'm concerned that I might always carry it, and what that means to me. We all have skeletons, but divorce is not one of them.
Haley(M)
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