The Perspective Project - Therapy

/// Note - This write up is coming from the point of view of a client, not from the point of view of a therapist. ///

Therapy.

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What’s the first impression you get when presented with this word?
Usually, it’s not a valuable one. Typically, when the word therapy is mentioned misvalued connotations get draped over the word like a scummy film. People take the word therapy and associate it with weaker human beings, they associate it with “crazy” people, and they associate it with over dependence. Those that misvalue therapy are those that have never partaken in therapy or have a stained view of therapy due to a low value experience, and therefore their poor judgement concerning such is based in fear. Fear is not a “bad” thing, it is a natural thing, but one cannot let fear skew their perspective. We must be willing and able to keep an open mind to things we do not understand or has been stained by past experiences, and keep a neutral value placed until we can see with imaginative and empathetic eyes.

First, I want to give you my adventures with therapy. And let me tell you it has been adventurous.
I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was 18. I’ve seen licensed clinical social workers (LCSW), psychologists, psycho-pharmacology registered nurses, psychiatrists, and spent some time in a mental hospital with a plethora of different types of therapists (and in group therapy sessions). I went to therapy by force twice - once in the Air Force, and once to the mental hospital. I will state that forced therapy was not beneficial. Forcing anything is usually not going to have a valuable outcome, and in neither of those cases did it have a valuable conclusion for me. The first time I went to therapy on my own accord was somewhat helpful. I was 23, and significantly still immature and childishly stubborn, and this hindered therapy. I started therapy again back in December 2014, and have been going steady now usually with weekly sessions. Along with seeing my therapist (a LCSW), I also see a psychiatrist who prescribes and helps manage my antidepressant (a LCSW cannot prescribe medication, this is why I see a psychiatrist as well). I will say who I am today has significantly changed how therapy has progressed this go around. Also, I should point out that my therapist is a brilliant one, and I highly respect and trust her as a therapist. Further, the fact that I “sync” with my therapist today plays a huge part (I’ll go more into this later) in the quality of therapy, and the progress that is made. Moreover, my psychiatrist is also someone whom I respect and trust, and this additionally plays a significant role in therapy as a whole. I don’t want to go into great detail about my adventures in therapy, but I wanted to show that I do have some foundation in therapy which is nudging me to write this entry.

In the beginning of learning to take care of my depression my perspective on therapy was not a positive one. When I had been forced to go I fought it vehemently. The first time I voluntarily sought therapy I was still quite uncomfortable with the whole idea, and still had residual resistance in my being. This time around, this past December, I had shifted my perspective on therapy somewhat, because my depression was raging out of my control, and I needed help. As I have progressed over these past three months, and as I have shifted my perspective of my depression, my perspective of therapy has shifted entirely as well.

Good Will Hunting - Click For Source

Therapy is a beautiful thing. It’s messy, it’s hard, it’s fun, it’s scary - it is absolutely beautiful. It will take your breath away at times, it will hold you together during times when your mind is shattering, it will teach you an enormous amount, and it will unteach you as well. Therapy can break you down and build you back up stronger, better, wiser. Therapy is not to be taken lightly. It is not cheap. It is not easy. Therapy is most assuredly worth it. Contrary to what first comes to mind when therapy is mentioned, therapy is not just for someone who is in a weakened state of being; though a lot of folks have been holding themselves together so long that when they finally seek therapy they are considerably weaker. We are all strong. We all have times of weakness, but we all possess great strength. Choosing to participate in therapy doesn’t mean you’re some type of “weakling” - actually it shows great strength when you can take your ego down a notch, and reach out for help when you need to. This life wasn’t meant to be walked alone - humans are meant to care for one another. Therapy is furthermore, not just for “crazy” people. The word “crazy” is a ridiculous term. It’s a umbrella term, that means many different things to many different people. So, let’s say this, therapy is not just for mentally ill people. Though again, mentally ill people do seek and need therapy, this is where we learn how to take care of our mental illness. Therapy is for those who are not mentally ill as well - and people go for an infinite amount of reasons - and every reason is as valid as the next. Midlife crisis? Hook yourself up with some therapy. Questioning who you are? Therapy. Your past haunting you? Therapy. Just need someone to talk to that you can trust to be honest, trust to keep their mouth shut, and trust to have sound advice? Therapy. Therapy really is for everyone and anyone. Therapy really can change your life for the better. I used to fight therapy till my fist were broken and bloody, but I realized what a ridiculous thing to be doing. Therapy wasn’t an enemy. Therapist are not out to get you - they have zero desire to mock, condescend, or demean you. Therapist become what they are because of who they are - caring, understanding, intuitive, nurturing souls (the majority). It took me many years to understand these things. It took me many years to shift my perspective on therapy, but hey, better late than never.

If you are considering therapy I’m going to help you decide…
GO.
Just go.
As you take that leap let me throw some things at you first that you should keep tucked in the back of your skull considering therapy.

-  Do your research on a good therapist. There are brilliant ones out there - find one. Therapist are humans - they are all very different. Ask around. Search the internet. Ask other doctors. Ask friends. Make sure they’re qualified to treat what you're going to therapy for. Different therapist specialize in different fields. After you’ve chosen a therapist, set up an initial appointment and see if you “sync”. See if you click. See if you have a connection. You know what I’m talking about. You’ll feel if this therapist is right for you - trust your intuition. And if they’re a good therapist they’ll feel it too. It’s the same feeling you get when you click with other humans. This connection is important. If you feel connected to your therapist you’ll trust this person faster and easier, and trust is essential in therapy. Through all the therapist I’ve had I have only felt connected with my current therapist, and this had made a world of difference. If you don’t feel that connection, if you don’t feel comfortable with the therapist you’ve chosen, then change. If they’re a good therapist they’ll support your decision, and most likely they’ll be on the same page. Then set up an initial appointment with another, and another, until you find that one that clicks. Can this get expensive? Hell yes it can. Most insurances cover mental health services though, and can help offset some of the cost. And if you’re serious about therapy then you don’t want to waste your time with someone that you don’t “sync” with, because it will be a lot of wasted energy, time, and money - it can also equal heartache. Also, make sure they are charging fees that are concurrent with others in your area. So, find a reputable brilliant therapist, and make sure you “sync”. Your therapist is the other half of your therapeutic equation, therefore make sure they’re as dedicated to you as you are to your therapy. It’s beyond crucial that your therapist is a valuable one on all levels, or therapy will be a bust.

-  Keep an open mind. Now this can seem hard if you’re not used to having an open mind, but it’s going to make therapy a lot easier, a lot better, and a lot more fun. Therapy can be scary at first. Here’s some stranger, you don’t know from Adam, diving into you head first at full speed. That can be intimidating. That can be uncomfortable. That can be jarring. Something that can help you slide into therapy quicker will be an open mind. It’s not as intimidating if your mind’s open to this human in front of you as just another human, because that’s what they are. They’re just another human there to help - nothing more, nothing less. Therapy can get uncomfortable. You may discuss things that make you sick, make you squirm, or make you so mad you lash out at this human in front of you as if they’re your closest confidant. If you can keep that mind of yours open to how therapy works, that what you’re experiencing has most likely been experienced before by a million different people and your therapist has most likely dealt with it before, and that your therapist is going to be okay with you reacting to them in whatever way rises (I mean hell, that’s why you’re paying them), then you’ll find unexpected comfort in the presence of your therapist. Keeping an open mind is going to help you hear your therapist clearer. If you’re closed off to any and all ideas your therapist is giving to you you’re going to constantly be judging and dismissing what your therapist is offering, which is really going to hinder any progress. Somethings your therapist says may sound weird to you, or ridiculous, but if you keep an open mind then there could be doors which lead to accomplishing your goals in therapy (whatever they may be). In that same thought, if you don’t feel something sounds like a good idea to you, then voice that. Never hold back from your therapist - as in never ever. That brings me to my last bit of advice when it comes to therapy.

- Be organically honest. I’m not kidding. Never lie. Lying will never serve you in therapy. A therapist is held by law to keep their mouth shut concerning what you say to them, and even if they weren’t held by law most of them realize that they aren’t going to get very far as a therapist if they can’t be trusted. (Note: If you vocalize that you have been harming anyone, the therapist are required by law to report such.) You’ll want to lie. We all lie. We especially lie to ourselves. Learn to stop. Learn to be brutally honest with yourself, and if you can’t, then let your therapist teach you. Don’t lie to your therapist, seriously, can you tell I’m not kidding? When you lie to your therapist then you are completely defeating the purpose of therapy. You’re stalling. You’re going no where. Therefore, don’t lie. Cheating on your significant other? Tell them. Thinking of killing yourself? Tell them. Stealing money from petty cash? Tell them. Want to kill you boss? Tell them. Hate your children? Tell them. Having obsessive fantasies you can’t stop about so-in-so? Tell them, tell them, tell them. Put it all out there. I highly, highly doubt you’re going to come up with something they haven’t heard before, and if you do, they’ll be compassionate about it, I promise. Along with that honesty, also be honest with them when it comes to how you’re responding to what they’re saying. Remember - they’re human - they can and will make mistakes. So, if something they’re saying doesn’t resonate with you then say so - this YOUR therapy, not theirs. If they start talking over you with psychobabble, then stop them, and kindly ask that they break whatever it is down into terms that make better sense to you. It is imperative that you be honest in therapy. Be honest with yourself, and be honest with your therapist. Without honesty you’re really wasting an excruciating amount of energy, time, and money.

Perspective
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Therapy has been given a bad rap. I think most human’s perspective on therapy is a poor one. I myself, as one who truly needs therapy and greatly benefits from therapy, once had a poor perspective on such. I’m here now though to help remedy that I hope. Therapy is a damn beautiful thing if the one seeking the therapy will let it be such, and if humans will open their minds. The taboo attitude towards therapy needs to be realigned. Therapy is just physical therapy for one’s mind and heart. It’s not pathetic, it’s not ugly, it’s not sad, it’s not to be mocked, it’s not to be feared, and it’s not “bad”. It’s time to shift the perspective on therapy my friends. Therapy is a beautiful thing where humans are making connections, trusting one another, taking care of themselves, getting better, growing stronger, and building better lives and better communities. Therapy is for anyone - anyone at all - from the old to the young, from the mentally ill to the not, from the religious to the nonreligious, from wherever you are in life, from whatever standpoint you may be standing upon. Therapy works when all the right pieces line up. Remember, change your perspective and you can change your reality. Shift how you view therapy. Give therapy a more valuable perspective. This can help shift the taboo attitude towards therapy, and towards mental illness - and this, my friends, can change the world.

Namaste,
Haley

Post script: If you would like to talk more about therapy, or have any questions whatsoever, you can reach me at the many social media outlets at the top right of this page. I am more than willing to answer any questions you may have, and if I don’t have an answer, then I’ll help you find the answer. Seriously. If you want to talk about therapy (or anything for that matter)? Then hit me up - I’m an open book, and I’m extremely open minded.