The Perspective Project - Double Depression

"If you want to kill yourself, kill what you don't like. 

I had an old self that I killed. You can kill yourself too, 

but that doesn't mean you got to stop living." - Archie's Final Project

First, let me present you with this philosophical quandary...
Does good and evil exist?
Or is there only perspective? Only until "something, anything" is given value does it become "good" or "evil" according to the perspective? 

I'll allow you to chew on that one on your own time. I'm not here today to tackle the philosophy of metaphysics of existence. Well, not today anyway, maybe another day. 

Today, I've come here to articulate the restructuring of my own perspective, and how that restructuring has shifted how I cope with my depression. I'm here to share how perspective is crucial in this human plight called life. Perspective determines your reality. Change your perspective, and you can your reality. 

You see my fellow light bearers; I once saw my depression as this evil monster inside my brain. I saw it as a stain upon my DNA. I believed it needed to be fought sweaty tooth and bloody nail. I thought it caused me to be lesser of person due to its mere existence within my body. My depression was an enemy - my worst enemy. Therefore, that was causing me to rise in morning, look into the mirror, and instead of seeing my greatest ally - I saw my greatest enemy. In order to live a peaceful life, a loving life, a giving life, we must learn to first be at peace with ourselves, fall in love with ourselves, and give to ourselves. It may sound backwards, but in order to be selfless we must first be absolutely selfish (in a sense).

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My restructured perspective goes a little something like this...
My depression is not an evil monster.
It is not a fault.
It is not ugly.

It is neutral. It is a neutral part of my DNA. That is... until I take a perspective on it. Then it is whatever value to which I place upon it. I no longer want to place low value upon my depression. I no longer want my perspective of my depression to be as a stain upon my DNA. It is simply a part of me; just like the dark ring of color around my irises, the cow lick in my crown of my hair, or the fact that my eyebrows insist on growing together. Do I want my eyebrows to grow together? No, indeed I do not, but it's not "bad" that they do. They're Armstrong trademarks, and my perspective on them is of good value, because they're family heirlooms - or heirloom depending on if they're grown together.

So, I no longer want to place low value upon my depression. 

Is it difficult to manage at times? Yes.
Can it be scary at times? Yes.
Can it cause significant pain at times? Yes. 

But difficult, scary, and painful are not "bad". We're taught they are bad, to fight against them, but they are neutral until one's perspective is placed. I have depression, but it's not who I Am. It's not a bad thing. It's just a part of me. It's a trait. It's a beautiful mess. It's a well, a deep well, to the raw, dark, heavy parts of our humanity - parts of humanity that most humans only encounter in times of great tragedy, but that come to me naturally. My depression makes me strong, makes me grateful, and makes me insightful - much like how tragedy can do for others. I can't change the color of my eyes, my cow lick, my unibrow, OR my depression. It's just who I am. It's not a "bad" part of me - it's just a part of me. Albeit, a part of me that is fierce, and at times a hurricane to manage, but it's not of a low value, an ugly monster, or "bad".

Thus, I no longer will consider my depression a monster. It is to remain as just a part of who I am; a part of me I'm learning to become more aware of, more acceptable of, and more capable of controlling instead of it controlling Me. This restructuring is an eternal process; a choice I make every day, every hour, every minute, every moment. As I continue this perspective shift it will become more stable, more prevalent, and more of who I am.

I have one more thing to relay, and I'll let you back to your facebook stalking, pinterest pinning, or instagram gawking. 

You do know that you too can restructure any perspective to which you may have that is bringing about negativity, low value, or strife into your life. It doesn't have to take an epiphany, a life altering situation, or anything of the sort, in order for you to shift your perspective. Just decide to do it - that's the formula for such. I don't want to provide examples, because I don't want to you to feel I am diminishing your plight. We all have hardships, we all have struggles, and many of us have excruciating ones, and shifting one's perspective isn't easily done - but that doesn't mean it can't be done, it can - I promise. I'm a particularly stubborn ornery creature, and if I can restructure even my perspective, then I believe you too can - because we're all strong enough to do so, no matter what you believe right now, you are - I promise that as well. Ergo, let us restructure any perspective that isn't serving our best Selves. 

"It may look as if the situation is creating the suffering, 

but ultimately this is not so - your resistance is." -Eckhart Tolle

Namaste,
Haley 

Postscript: For any music aficionados, this is the song that quenched my soul as I wrote this little piece... 

 "...if I want to know God I know Myself

if I want to see God I must see Myself

if I want love God I must love Myself..."