Self Inflected

In today's headlines... Man in his late 40's ends his life with a self inflicted gunshot wound.

The male species is quite smart when it comes to suicide. They choose a way that is nearly impossible to save one from. A blow to the head with a high caliber bullet will almost always seal the deal. If I were to choose I'd choose a .50cal, so there'd be no saving me.

Females on the other hand are quite fond of the overdose. Experts say because they think of others having to clean up after them. A gunshot wound is quite messy you see. Though I chose an overdose when I was 23, because I was afraid of pain. I just wanted to fall asleep, and not wake up. I failed my suicide when I didn't check the expiration date on the sleeping pills. They were many years old, and had lost their potency. When it didn't work fast enough I started to panic. Then after the panic came second guessing. Then in the second guessing came phone calls. Then the police, my husband, a search, ambulances, a hospital, and a stint in a psych ward.

I'm no longer that person, and no longer have desires to stop this train. Any time the subject of suicide is interjected into my life though I become uncomfortable. Shame is usually the primary emotion. I know I should chalk it up to the past, but that's hard to do with something so heavy. Though time does do wonders.

It seems "normal people" have a difficult time dealing with death, especially suicide. People need to know why. They want to over analyze it. Some even wants to make fun of it when it gets too uncomfortable. They want to make it dramatic to suite their own suicide pictures in their head. It's cut and dry people. He was alive, and now he's not. Nothing to add to it, and nothing to take away. Death is not complicated, but very simple. I guess being fucked in the head has its advantages. That fact seems to be well portrayed in the movie Melancholia. 

Emotionally detached,
Haley